'He impregnated me weeks after first date - I wish we hadn't had a shotgun wedding'

Dear Coleen

I found out I was pregnant with my son just 10 weeks after meeting my partner. We met at a gig, it was lust at first sight and we became inseparable. He wasn’t daunted at all by the pregnancy and we were already in love, so we had a shotgun wedding a few weeks later.

Now, we’re three years down the line, we’re both working hard full-time, I’m pregnant again, and we have started to argue quite a lot.

We love each other, but our relationship has gone from being wonderfully passionate to quite volatile. It’s been stressful becoming parents and working so hard; the romance has definitely disappeared.

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We’ve both walked out a couple of times after raging arguments, which I know isn’t the answer.

I’m not sure what’s happened – we used to be so in tune and supportive of each other, but now we argue over every little thing and I think there’s a lot of resentment on both sides.

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It’s hard to pin it down to one thing; I just know that the honeymoon is definitely over and I don’t know how to get back on track.

We really do love each other though and I know we’re meant to be together, so I hope you can help.

Coleen says

You’ve packed a lot of big life events into the past three years, so it’s not surprising that you’re beginning to feel the strain. Becoming parents and juggling childcare with work would test couples who’ve been together for ages.

Most couples get to know each other very well before all this stuff happens, but you’ve been doing it as it’s been happening. So, don’t be hard on yourselves, accept you’ve taken on a lot in a very short space of time and try to make some time to focus on your relationship and reconnecting as a couple.

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You really didn’t have much time to enjoy just being together before your son came along, plus all those sleepless nights and huge responsibilities of parenting.

Don’t be shy either – you can ask family and friends to help with your son and try going on some romantic dates before the new baby arrives. I’m sure grandparents and friends will be willing to help.

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What’s great is that you love each other and have no doubts about being together. But it’s important to realise you have to nurture your relationship as well as your children. It’s the foundation for everything. Don’t avoid the big issues – talk to each other, listen and be honest about how you feel and what triggers you.

It might help to have some relationship counselling if you are finding it hard to start the conversations. Good luck.

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